Whenever I mention to people that I enjoy board games, the response I always get it "oh, so you play Monopoly then?"
Well, to be honest, no - in fact playing Monopoly is such an intensely hateful game, I would rather do almost anything else than subject myself to a game. Doing the dishes, dusting the house, hell, I'd even volunteer to cut the lawn with some nail clippers, if it means I don't have to subject myself to a game of Monopoly (and if my wife is reading this, then no, you can't keep suggesting we play games of Monopoly in order to get me to do odd jobs around the house!)
But rather than just have a mindless rant about a game, perhaps it would be useful if I point out my objections to it.
There are three main issues, which unfortunately all interact with each other to create this perfect storm of gaming horror:
- It's length. This game is long. So very, very long. So long in fact that I genuinely believe that in the history of the world, nobody has ever, actually finished a game properly. In fact what usually happens is either; the tabel is needed for dinner; it gets to a point where two players are in stalemate; an argument ensues and someone shoves everything off the table and onto the floor; or, one or more people die of old age before the game ends (ok, I admit this last one might just be hyperbole). But face it, it's a long game.
- It features player elimination. Well, what's wrong with that? Nothing in principle, but here's the scene. You have family over and someone suggests a game of Monopoly. You all sit down to play, and within 30 minutes, you are bankrupt and out of the game. Well great, now you get to spend the rest of the time watching everybody else (or better yet, attack the lawn with the nail clippers) - now remember how I said the game was long? You get the idea.....
- Finally, it features very little choice. Think about it. What do you do on your turn? You roll the dice and move your playing piece the required number of spaces. You have no choice where to move. You land on a space and do what it says. If it's available to buy, you get to purchase it or not - but even this isn't really a decision; if you can afford it, you buy it. In terms of actually making decisions, this game is one small step up the ladder from Snakes & Ladders - and at least that game has the decency to be over in about 10 minutes.
So they are the three main issues, and you can see why I call it a perfect storm; it's a long game, with few decisions, and one that you might be kicked out of early on.
But there are other, smaller issues.
No other game in the history of the world has caused so many arguments and bad feeling as Monopoly. Even my wife, who is normally very sweet and gentle, has been known to turn into a slightly less green (and much prettier) version of the Hulk, when people have refused to trade.
But it's worst sin of all is it's sheer popularity. For some reason, every household seems to have at least one copy of Monopoly. Why is this a bad thing? Well firstly it means that if I ask people if they want to play a board game, they instinctively back away with a look of fear and terror in their eyes, recalling some long repressed memory of being subjected to a game of Monopoly.
However, the most unforgivable sin is that it is so popular, that whenever I mention that I play board games, I get the response "Oh, you mean like Monopoly"!
Post edit:
Just to prove I'm not totally against this game, there is one version of Monopoly I enjoy playing - and that's Monopoly Deal: The Card Game.
This fixes everything that's wrong with Monopoly; it plays in around 20 minutes, it has no player elimination, and best of all it actually contains choices and decisions for the players to make. I'l go into this more in a later blog, but I highly recommend it.
Well, to be honest, no - in fact playing Monopoly is such an intensely hateful game, I would rather do almost anything else than subject myself to a game. Doing the dishes, dusting the house, hell, I'd even volunteer to cut the lawn with some nail clippers, if it means I don't have to subject myself to a game of Monopoly (and if my wife is reading this, then no, you can't keep suggesting we play games of Monopoly in order to get me to do odd jobs around the house!)
But rather than just have a mindless rant about a game, perhaps it would be useful if I point out my objections to it.
There are three main issues, which unfortunately all interact with each other to create this perfect storm of gaming horror:
- It's length. This game is long. So very, very long. So long in fact that I genuinely believe that in the history of the world, nobody has ever, actually finished a game properly. In fact what usually happens is either; the tabel is needed for dinner; it gets to a point where two players are in stalemate; an argument ensues and someone shoves everything off the table and onto the floor; or, one or more people die of old age before the game ends (ok, I admit this last one might just be hyperbole). But face it, it's a long game.
- It features player elimination. Well, what's wrong with that? Nothing in principle, but here's the scene. You have family over and someone suggests a game of Monopoly. You all sit down to play, and within 30 minutes, you are bankrupt and out of the game. Well great, now you get to spend the rest of the time watching everybody else (or better yet, attack the lawn with the nail clippers) - now remember how I said the game was long? You get the idea.....
- Finally, it features very little choice. Think about it. What do you do on your turn? You roll the dice and move your playing piece the required number of spaces. You have no choice where to move. You land on a space and do what it says. If it's available to buy, you get to purchase it or not - but even this isn't really a decision; if you can afford it, you buy it. In terms of actually making decisions, this game is one small step up the ladder from Snakes & Ladders - and at least that game has the decency to be over in about 10 minutes.
So they are the three main issues, and you can see why I call it a perfect storm; it's a long game, with few decisions, and one that you might be kicked out of early on.
But there are other, smaller issues.
No other game in the history of the world has caused so many arguments and bad feeling as Monopoly. Even my wife, who is normally very sweet and gentle, has been known to turn into a slightly less green (and much prettier) version of the Hulk, when people have refused to trade.
But it's worst sin of all is it's sheer popularity. For some reason, every household seems to have at least one copy of Monopoly. Why is this a bad thing? Well firstly it means that if I ask people if they want to play a board game, they instinctively back away with a look of fear and terror in their eyes, recalling some long repressed memory of being subjected to a game of Monopoly.
However, the most unforgivable sin is that it is so popular, that whenever I mention that I play board games, I get the response "Oh, you mean like Monopoly"!
Post edit:
Just to prove I'm not totally against this game, there is one version of Monopoly I enjoy playing - and that's Monopoly Deal: The Card Game.
This fixes everything that's wrong with Monopoly; it plays in around 20 minutes, it has no player elimination, and best of all it actually contains choices and decisions for the players to make. I'l go into this more in a later blog, but I highly recommend it.
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